Foreign bodies...

It always seems whenever I meet someone new or see someone I have not seen in a long while they usually want to know what I do for a living.  When they find out I'm a doctor, inevitably, the conversation leads to things removed from peoples' rectums in the ER.  I doubt any other profession can claim such an obsession with a person's ass.  So, to satisfy your curiousity briefly, I will occasionally be telling these stories I know you are dying for...

I was reminded of this story when I was retelling it in the ER the other night and I uttered the phrase "And that's when I realized I knew a lot more about dildo anatomy than I thought I did."  Off-hand, this phrase is an excellent one to speak aloud if you ever want to get the attention of everyone in a room at once.

Some time ago, I walked down into the ER to admit a patient and found our GI doctor and one of the ER docs leaning over a radiology viewing screen.  They were pointing to an obvious foreign body buried in an abdomen.  A quick glance told me that it was VERY large.  I watched for a moment before I realized they were making a mistake in determining where it ended.  The internal components of a dildo are all radiopaque (they show up on xray), while the plastic or rubber coating does not.  The GI doc pointed to an area about half an inch above the gyros that were visible as to where he thought the device ended.  I walked over and traced a line about 3-4 inches above that, pointing out the very slight line the rubber made on the film.  Looking at it anew, this meant that the thing was shoved up to the splenic flexure.  Now, to illustrate where this is, take your left hand and cup it just under the lower border of your left lower ribs.  Yeah.  There.  Things like this create incredible suction when you attempt to remove them.  The last view I had of our GI attending was of him standing on an ER exam table above the guy who was on his stomach, leaning back with the effort.  I later learned they had to take him to the GI lab to get it out.  When it was removed it measured 11 inches long and had been buried 25+ cm inside this guy.  I later learned it was bright purple. 

The GI guy named it Barney.

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