Things I wish I could write in a chart (but don't), Part 2:

Reason for transfer to our facility:  Patient did not have any insurance and their admitting physician did not want to work for free.

Reason for death:  Primary:  Respiratory failure secondary to pneumonia.  Secondary cause:  Family didn't listen to me when I said we shouldn't keep him in the hospital, resulting in pneumonia.

Reason for medicine consult:  Making sure the lawyers don't win when this sue-happy family takes us to court over nothing.

Reason for admission:  Patient is related to biggest ambulance-chaser in the state (you think I'm joking).

#ifonly