Reason for transfer to our facility: Patient did not have any insurance and their admitting physician did not want to work for free.
Reason for death: Primary: Respiratory failure secondary to pneumonia. Secondary cause: Family didn't listen to me when I said we shouldn't keep him in the hospital, resulting in pneumonia.
Reason for medicine consult: Making sure the lawyers don't win when this sue-happy family takes us to court over nothing.
Reason for admission: Patient is related to biggest ambulance-chaser in the state (you think I'm joking).